Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
be right there i have to get my cape
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
