I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize