turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
