now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
