he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
