I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
