He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
