It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
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