This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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