I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
