I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
