Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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