you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize