Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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