In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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