i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
