my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
