i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
