I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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