I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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