He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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