11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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