somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
