i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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