i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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