why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
