if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
