Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
