is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
