Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize