he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
