Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
