question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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