Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
