My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
