if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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