1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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