drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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