She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
