We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
