Who did Billy Mays play for?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
