It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
