Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
