But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
