I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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