New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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