I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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