it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize