Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i've created a new STD.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
