he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
wanna go halves on a baby?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
