The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
