Buhtt sex?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
