Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
