Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
