ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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