i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
