I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
