If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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