that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize