i would punch a child for taco bell
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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