Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
