I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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