Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
