i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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