So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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