so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
