at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
