i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
