I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
