He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
