sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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