I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
