Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
