How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
