I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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