JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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