New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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