Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
